Parents often respond to children's self-doubt by offering praise. But what they really need is room to fail. A middle school girl I worked with finally found the courage to tell me her deepest fear. Her body was so tense, it was practically vibrating. “What if I...
Read More↓ When you are a victim of abuse, your mind comes up with all the reasons it's not really happening. It's possible — although the very word "abuse" implies decisiveness, purpose, and will. Maybe this is because its very sound — those two small syllables, when pronounced...
Read More↓ When you have low self-esteem, optimism doesn't come easy. ↓ It doesn't feel that way to everyone. It didn't feel that way to my old college roommate, who saw every rained-out Sunday as a dazzling opportunity to stay inside cleaning closets and watching old movies while eating...
Read More↓ What if your self-hatred is not actually yours? ↓ Self-hatred seems so personal. What could be more about us, what could be more ours, than our opinions of ourselves? ↓ Those things we think and say to and about ourselves as we gaze into mirrors, talk, walk, work, take chances or take tests: those...
Read More↓ Empower yourself to shift the stories you tell. I could tell this tale as if I was a standup comic, social scientist, low-self-esteem support-group speaker and/or seer. And I want you to tell your tales in such ways too. But more about that later. ↓ Something weird has...
Read More↓ We quit things we love because we believe ourselves unworthy. Have you given up things you love? Not things you loved, past tense, then honestly stopped loving—such as keg parties or Angry Birds. I mean things—places, topics, whatever—you still love, but let go. Maybe you told yourself you didn't love them anymore so move...
Read MoreWhen blaming yourself for your own suffering becomes a core belief. When I started having back pain recently, I blamed myself—because surely it could only have been caused by my laziness or weakness or my chronic slouch. But no. I was born without hip sockets. As a...
Read MoreHow to Stop Speaking Harshly to Yourself ↓ Harsh self-talk is a pattern of learned behavior, and the good news is we can unlearn it. Recently, I read an interview with author Danielle LaPorte where she stated that she never speaks meanly to herself. “Not ever.” This blew my mind. Because...
Read MoreYour Self-Esteem is Not the Problem ↓ Like everyone else, I’ve had difficult times in my life. I’ve had bad breakups, I’ve made mistakes, and I’ve been hurt. In these difficult moments, a lot of people have cheerfully diagnosed me with “low self-esteem.” ↓ I never quite agreed. I...
Read MoreYou're Not Fighting That War Alone ↓ One of self-loathing's most devious tactics is to isolate its victims, chasing each of us into dark lonely corners in which we feel singled out and incomparably awful, just as those who stole our self-esteem did, way back when. They drove...
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